The Merry Maids Of Utopia (Repost)

The Merry Maids Of Utopia

By Zumaspeare

Act I, Scene I:

The merry maids, Zenobia, Judie Mae, and Josephina enter the palace of Prince Ifyoudontknowmebynowyouwillneverneverneverneverneverknowme.

They are shocked at the state of the Prince's palace after the weekend. As they begin their chores, they express their dismay and come to make a life changing decision which begins with wise and honest intentions.

But in this play, nothing ends as it begins.

ZENOBIA:

What freshly deposited party hell have we up in here?

Do men raised by themselves in the wild

cohabit this place of bold disregard

and crusty residue?

JUDIE MAE:

My eyes cry to behold such vile misuse

of this grand and elegant architect's pride!

Just 48 or so in hours since our last hard labors here,

and now this man cave is made

into such dismal and wretched form!

JOSEPHINA: (lifts an item from a sofa and screams in horror)

Es un mankini!

ZENOBIA: (holding aloft, a bottle of "AXE" cologne)

Oh my! The substance what does women's minds to such weakness

that it is become a dangerious potion!

A dangerous weapon made neither of wood

nor hardened metal,

but of vaporous workings

and intoxicating nature.

I know this as

The television tells me so.

JUDIE MAE: (picks up an empty Viagra bottle)

The man who used this substance

knew no fear of failure to perform.

I sense the presence of the goddess Viagra in this place,

which makes new meaning of the words

"hardened resolve".

He'd best be warned:

The Goddess do play tricks upon the unwary,

causing travels down strange pathways

and lurid mysteries to unfold.

JOSEPHINA:

In order to solve this lurid mystery,

I say to search for the limping, stumbling woman

who, covered with her scarves and shades,

secrets her way to the man cave

of the Wizard Of OB/GYN

for her shameful

smears and paps.

(dons latex gloves and picks up a used exacta)

Ah! The surest evidence that brief joy was so had here!

Now tired and disgusting in it's exhausted flabby condition.

It's time was brief, I'm sure,

for there are many scattered around

to make an amalgam of lust that

must have gone 'till "uncle" was called.

JUDIE MAE:

Ah, what wonder latex do provide,

to make the act of love no act of committment.

The item does, however, make slight reminder

of deathly hazard too small for our eyes to see

and yes

there are odds of making fresh, new humans.

ZENOBIA:

What that my man had such sight of sense,

and me as much to blame.

Yet I embrace my huge mistake

with kisses on fat cheeks

and love so sublime

from one who drinks from tiny bottles

and has not yet words

but cries

to say his meaning.

JOSEPHINA:

And yes so true!

(examines a sculpture formed out of used champagne bottles)

But what must have caused this contraption to be formed?

A treasure cave of droplets

Krystal within the crystal

it seems to be.

The pricey liquid consumed

in heat of party battle

then this made as a reminder

of prosperity beyond all reason.

A fortune in consumables

now lowly formed as pee

to decorate the first place to tattle!

ZENOBIA:

I say let's marry or kill all of the bankers,

yet keep the lawyers all alive

to defend or divorce us as the case may be.

For then, are we not more honorable

than those females of quantuum beauty

who dwell and cavort within this man cave,

satisfying such yearnings

as we cannot begin to afford,

even as we brandish our "Capital Ones"

to shield us from electronic denial?

What comely woman of dubious nature

or illness in profession

has been rewarded

far beyond my pay

for minutes of pleasure

while we toil and polish for a day

and for relative little to say about it.

(picks up an expensive jacket from the floor)

I say what now we earn,

what now we do,

there shall never be for our men

such leather as fine as this one,

once a lively, vibrant animal,

now horribly undone

and just for fashion.

Unless, that is,

the Lotto provides us so.

Ever since my man has fallen

from the ranks of the gainful

and the ranks of the employed,

we have had such plans,

Of going back to school

or returning to Uncle Sam for work

But then we contrived

a plot of daring and cunning nature:

We shall use his lucrative severance

and my comely tips

from splurging and generous clients

to obtain an education and financing

so to progress from the levelof entry

to the level of ownership

of a franchise so fine

that we shall all truly be

the "Merry Maids!"

JUDIE MAE:

What halcyon days ahead,

and I am with you,

having tucked away a modest fund

from my divorce.

But I was given stern counsel

from the court

to become of gainly employment,

so thus I work this work!

Unburdened by husband vile

who had such promiscuous nature

I thrive the idea

of such a worldly plot,

in which we shall clean our way,

with teamery and strategery,

to a much more fortunate

and far less bitter existence!

JOSEPHINA:

Tengo sustantivo dinero, tambien!

Si si! Let us go forth as women of business

and leave our troublesome employer

and lowly stature behind us!

ALL TOGETHER:

But first, we restore the Prince's man cave

to gleam and glory

and thus secure

the Royal reference

so needed to become icons of industry

and as such glowingly featured

by Queen Oprah

on a future daytime television show!

(Josefina flourishes a toilet plunger while Judie Mae and Zenobia exit stage left, carrying loads of trash and clothes.)

(Fade to black)


Look for Part two On Tuesday, August 4!!!!